Toby Klein Greenwald, Special To The Dayton Jewish Observer

Weddings are about tradition, but they are also about individuality. A number of intriguing, beautiful customs have begun to appear at Israeli weddings in recent years that symbolize the creative thinking of a new generation of brides and grooms. These new customs ensure the bride and groom’s spiritual and social values are reflected on their special day of joy.

The master of ceremonies is a mistress of ceremonies. This is a new phenomenon at some modern Orthodox ceremonies in Israel. Since men recite the seven blessings under the chupah, there are families who give the honor of welcoming the guests and announcing the various blessings to a sister of the bride or groom, adding to the gender equality by having a woman up there calling the shots.

I have also been at sheva brachot dinners during the seven days of feasting after the wedding, where women also recited the blessings.

The signing of the Agreement for Mutual Respect, Hesekem L’Kavod Hadadi. This document, usually signed before the chupah, is becoming more and more common and some rabbis insist on it before performing a marriage.

Dr. Rachel Levmore, one of the authors of the Israeli prenup, explains: “The prenuptial Agreement for Mutual Respect is designed to prevent get-refusal, thus insuring a dignified marriage as well as a get, (Jewish bill of divorcement) — if unfortunately it should become necessary. Through a monetary incentive, the agreement brings spouses to talk to each other in a time of crisis and to reach an agreement — toward reconciliation or toward divorce. It has proven to be effective in bringing husbands who initially refused to give a get, thus turning the wife into an agunah (a ‘chained’ woman), to give a get quickly after being reminded of the signed prenup.”

The Agreement for Mutual Respect is available in five languages in an international version on the International Young Israel Movement’s site www.iyim.org.il, supported by the Jewish Agency.

The couple reads a prayer that includes lines from the Traveler’s Prayer under the chupah. The full prayer that was read was adapted from Rabbi Nachman of Breslav’s Tefila Mem in Likutei Tefilot. I saw this at a wedding where the groom was the son of Rabbi Beni Lau, director of Beit Morasha’s Center for Judaism and Society, Institute for Social Justice and the Israel Institute for Conversion Policy.

Just a few days earlier, while I was in the midst of saying the Traveler’s Prayer on a trip, I had thought about how it has basically everything in it: we ask that God guide our steps in peace, bring us to our destination in life, joy, and peace, save us from enemies, robbers and wild beasts, and every kind of destruction or danger. We ask God to bestow blessing upon the work of our hands and to grant us grace, kindness, and mercy in His eyes and in the eyes of all who see us. How appropriate, as the couple begin their new journey in life.

The eighth blessing. This is adapted from a prayer that appears in the prayer book of Rabbi Saadia Gaon, who lived in the ninth century, and it has become fashionable at some modern religious weddings in Israel to read it under the chupah, often by a woman. Here is an excerpt from the text; note that it includes the community in the good wishes for the bride and groom:

May there be joyful occasions in Israel, and may sighs disappear from Israel.

May there be good tidings in Israel, and many deliverances in Israel, May there be comfort in Israel.

May love increase in Israel, may blessing increase in Israel,

May joy increase in Israel, may delight increase in Israel,

May splendor increase in Israel, may unity increase in Israel,

May merit increase in Israel, may grooms increase in Israel,

May holidays increase in Israel, may brides increase in Israel.

May the groom and bride be successful, and may they take joy in each other.

May they delight in each other, may the groom be joyful with the bride and the bride joyful with the groom.

Blessed art Thou who brings joy to the groom with the bride and to the bride with the groom.

Blowing the shofar at the conclusion of the chupah. The first time I heard this it was quite a surprise. I could not find a source for the custom but there are two instances in which we would usually blow the shofar.

The first is a call to teshuva, repentance, as we do during the month of Elul and on Rosh Hashanah.

The second is to herald the coming of the messiah, bringing with it the ingathering of the exiles to the land of Israel and a new life of redemption, as written in Isaiah.

There is something very beautiful about concluding the chupah ceremony with the message, “We, the couple, are leaving behind our past and looking forward to our new life.”

The couple bless their friends over the course of the evening. This is something I’ve noticed in the last decade, and it still moves me. During a break in the dancing, the close friends of the bride and groom line up and receive blessings: for their bashert (intended), for health, for whatever they seek in their heart.

Donating to a food bank. There is always extra food prepared at a wedding, and not everything makes it out of the kitchen and onto the festive tables. Wedding halls will usually pack up the leftovers for the families to take home and enjoy. Many families choose instead to “pay their joy forward” to food banks, to benefit those in need.

Toby Klein Greenwald is an educator, journalist and playwright about to marry off her fifth child. She is the recipient of the Israel Ministry of Education Egerest Award for Jewish Culture.

To read the complete February 2014 Dayton Jewish Observer, click here.