By Michelle Tedford, Special To The Dayton Jewish Observer

Wendy Mogel

Our children are over-scheduled, over-indulged, over-protected, anxious and irresponsible, says clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel.

One solution to this problem: Turn to ancient Jewish texts.

To help adults ground their parenting in tradition and reality, in 2001 she wrote The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children. The book became a New York Times bestseller.

Mogel will talk with parents about their troubles and fears on Sunday, Dec. 7 at 7:30 p.m. at the Boonshoft CJCE as the keynote speaker for the Pearl Joffe Memorial Day of Jewish Learning, sponsored by Brandeis-Joffe Scholarship Fund of the Dayton Jewish Federation Foundation, as part of the DJCC’s Dayton Jewish Cultural Arts and Book Festival.

Around 1990, Mogel said she began seeing a disturbing trend among the clients in her Los Angeles practice.

“Parents were coming to me with problems that they thought were psychopathology,” she said.

Children were anxious, dinner table conflicts common, families unhappy. Parents wanted a pill to fix their child.

Instead, she diagnosed an ill family dynamic, with roots in a culture that teaches parents to have unrealistic expectations for a child’s academic, physical and social performance, while freeing children of necessary responsibility.

About the same time, she accepted a friend’s invitation to a Rosh Hashanah service, an outing Mogel considered a cultural excursion; she found much more.

That service began her education in Hebrew prayers and melodies and of her family celebrating the Sabbath. It provided her with the spiritual calm she was seeking, and it also gave her a window into how classic Jewish texts applied to modern life and the issues of her patients.

For example, in the book she describes a Chasidic idea of balance: “Keep two pieces of paper in your pocket at all times. On one write, ‘I am a speck of dust.’ On the other, ‘The world was created for me.’”

Looking at Jewish life, there are clues to maintain this balance, she writes. As the culture fosters what she calls “specialitis,” Judaism gives us grounding in the value of the humble and the ordinary.

It’s an ancient grounding that resonates with people of all faiths, something that surprised her.

“We originally thought that this would be a Jewish book for Jewish parenting, and it turned out not to be that in the least,” she said.

The appeal of her book, she said, is “the combination of ancient ideas — time-tested ideas — and also the more relaxed view of solving the problem of raising children.”

It could also be the humor and anecdotes that pepper her storytelling.

Mogel said she pulls from four sources: traditional religious texts, dog-training books and comedians Margaret Cho and the late George Carlin.

The religious texts are obvious. The dog training tips tell that if a household lacks a strong alpha dog, the dogs will become simultaneously timid and bossy.

And the comedians? If you don’t entertain or have the ability to make fun of yourself, no one will read.

And people are reading. Blessing of a Skinned Knee has sold more than 100,000 copies, and Mogel has led more than 300 book talks.

“To laugh with 500 people at the same time is a very enjoyable personal experience,” she said. It’s also an opportunity to test out ideas before she puts them to practice with her patients.

The book began with a course she had developed, Homework, Food, Sex, Death and the Holy, on how to use Jewish teachings to raise a self-reliant child.

A book agent saw the course flier and asked Mogel to share her ideas with a wider audience.

She’s now writing her second book, The Blessing of a B Minus, focused on older children: “My heart was breaking for teenagers — we both idolize them and revile them.”

As with her first book, many of the lessons she shares are those she had to discover for herself as the parent of two girls, both of whom had brought home B minuses.

While she didn’t consider it a blessing at the time, she sees the value of ebbs and flows, of seeing a child’s life as an epic tale rather than a series of snapshots.

What she most hopes is that parents will discover that it’s OK to be firm but understanding, that child’s play should be reclaimed, and that parents should band together to fight against a culture that says midriff tops on a 7-year-old are OK.

“We are raising kids not to just be high-achieving children but to be able adults,” she said. “It’s time for adults to begin reclaiming their place in the process.”

Wednesday, Dec. 3, 6:30 p.m. at the Boonshoft CJCE: Book review and discussion of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee led by licensed counselor Jan Sherman. Sponsored by the Women’s Division of the Jewish Federation.

Sunday, Dec. 7, 12:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at Hillel Academy: Pearl Joffe Memorial Day of Jewish Learning. Topic: Raising Adults: Jewish Wisdom and Parenting.

7:30 p.m. at the Boonshoft CJCE: Keynote address with Dr. Wendy Mogel, author, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee.

All of these events are free. For reservations, call Karen Steiger at 853-0372 or go to www.jccdayton.org.