Living by our values

By Candace R. Kwiatek, The Dayton Jewish Observer

Jewish Family Identity Forum

Enveloped by the flimsy bamboo walls and branch-strewn roof of the sukkah, I found myself reflecting upon an unlikely character: Abraham Lincoln.

I had recently come across Lincoln’s Great Depression, in which Joshua Shenk writes: “With Lincoln we have a man whose depression spurred him, painfully, to examine the core of his soul…a spirit of humble determination forged over decades of deep suffering and earnest longing…determination (that) came from a sense that however humble his station, (he) was no idle passenger but a sailor on deck with a job to do.”

Then again, Lincoln may be an ideal figure to contemplate in the sukkah.

It is a mystical tradition to invite the “righteous ones” — biblical heroes from Abraham to Esther — into the sukkah as honored guests.

In Ushpizin: Welcoming Guests, Lesli Ross writes, “Each of these exalted personages represents uprootedness. Each in his wanderings contributed to the world through a respective personal characteristic…”

Uprootedness: dispersed, sold, or exiled, they were also estranged from family, threatened by superiors, torpedoed by circumstances, or haunted by personal demons.

But these figures from our past — along with more modern heroes like America’s Abraham — are not exalted because they were wanderers. They are great because, wandering notwithstanding, through their values and their deeds each one made a positive impact on the world.

What does it mean to be great? By title, Alexander is “the Great” in Greek history. Adventurers and scientists include greats from Magellan to Einstein. Aristotle, Shakespeare, and Washington are hailed for great accomplishments, for greatly impacting the world.

But if greatness is measured only by public recognition or historical contribution, then most of us are doomed to mediocrity; after all, how many of us have the gifts of a Sophocles, O’Keeffe, or Gandhi?

Judaism has a different perspective. In Ethics of the Fathers (4:13) we read, “Rabbi Shimon would say: There are three crowns — the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood, and the crown of sovereignty — but the crown of a good name surpasses them all.”

Thus we learn that greatness isn’t about achievement or eminence; rather it’s about being and doing good.

Each of us can become great if we stand “on the side of the angels,” striving toward goodness and doing value-worthy things. So what does this greatness look like in daily life?

In personal life
When the 2012 Summer Olympic Committee refused to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Munich Games massacre, gymnast Aly Raisman rose to the challenge.

Proudly affirming her identity with Hava Nagila, Raisman publicly dedicated her gold medal-winning performance as a memorial to the 11 Israelis who perished in 1972.

But not everyone can be great in such a public manner. I know a young woman who, challenged by longstanding depression and recent treatments for metastatic cancer, still holds down a full-time job, motivates other athletes at the gym, and plans for her upcoming wedding — all with a smile and an outwardly upbeat attitude.

What values do you live by? Empathy. Friendliness. Commitment. Helpfulness. Optimism. Generosity. Charity. Forgiveness. Humility. Gratitude. We achieve greatness by being and doing good as we go about our daily lives.

In relationships
In a spoof on virtual friendships, a popular Toyota commercial accurately concludes that quality, not quantity, is friendships’ true measure. The ad reminded me of a recent news story in which an unlikely friendship developed between Bernice — a married, middle-class, empty-nester — and the widowed, poverty-stricken Argin who was raising seven grandchildren (Friendship developed when one took a chance by Burgetta Wheeler). Over the past 16 years, Bernice has supported Argin through custody fights, bouts of cancer, and financial challenges while Argin has been a source of strength, joy, and laughter for Bernice, who firmly asserts, “We are sisters…If I were ever feeling blue, all I would have to do is call Argin, and we’d spend the day together, and it was always a blessing.”

By what qualities are you known? Trustworthy. Affectionate. Companionable. Gentle. Accepting. Giving. Caring. Faithful. Attentive. Respectful. We achieve greatness by being and doing good as we nurture our relationships.

In work or profession
Creating a legend in the business world, Malden Mills CEO Aaron Feuerstein retained more than a thousand employees at full salary for several months while rebuilding his factory after a devastating fire. On the other hand, as a savvy businessman, Feuerstein doesn’t shy away from downsizing or replacing workers with technology.

What makes him unique is that he infuses his balance sheets and bottom lines with moral clarity: “We try to do it in such a way as to minimize human suffering…without crushing the spirit of the work force (Not a Fool, Not a Saint by Thomas Teal).”

In a related Talmudic discussion about what questions will be used to judge us after death, the very first is, “Did you conduct your business affairs with integrity (BT Shabbat 31a)?”

How would you describe your actions? Honest. Responsible. Fair. Ethical. Straightforward. Transparent. Law-abiding.

We achieve greatness by being and doing good as we engage in business as leaders, workers, customers, and consumers.

“Do not seek greatness for yourself,” cautions Rabbi Joshua in Ethics of the Fathers (6:5). “Do not lust for honor or desire the table of kings…Even more than study, do.” Strive toward goodness in your personal character, in your relationships and in your work, and do value-worthy things. You become great only as a by-product: when you stand on the side of the angels and merit the crown of a good name.

Family Discussion: Try this Dennis Prager survey: “Ask your children, no matter what their age, what they think you most want them to be: happy, good, successful, or smart.” How would you answer your parents, if they asked you? How is this question connected to the quotes from Ethics of the Fathers, and what do you learn from the answers you get?

Literature to share

WorldPerfect: The Jewish Impact on Civilization by Ken Spiro — Challenging the notion that Western civilization is primarily the product of Greece and Rome, this highly readable survey of 4,000 years of Jewish history traces the origins of key values, ethics, and principles of Western culture. For a tempting preview, check out the parallel online version, Worldperfect Seminar. Engaging and eye-opening, Worldperfect is an inspirational must-read.

Emma’s Poem: The Voice of the Statue of Liberty by Linda Glaser — Simply written and beautifully illustrated, this award-winning picture book for elementary ages tells the story of Emma Lazarus’ famous poem. It’s a visual and historical treasure that will delight any age.