Sacred Speech — a new series

Jewish Family Education with Candace R. Kwiatek, The Dayton Jewish Observer

The new rabbi was mystified. Every Shabbat, an argument broke out during the service when it came time to recite the Shema. Half the congregation would tell everyone to rise: “We stand for Shema Yisrael, the watchword of Judaism!” The other half would remain unmoved, declaring, “The Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish law) says if you’re already seated, you stay seated to say the Shema, so we sit!”

Invariably, each faction would end up glaring at the other. In desperation, the rabbi appointed a delegation to interview the congregation’s aged founding member.

During their conversation, one congregant asked, “Wasn’t our tradition to stand for the Shema?” “No,” the man shook his head. Another congregant jumped in, “So the tradition was to sit for the Shema?” The man frowned. “No.”

Frustrated, the rabbi interrupted. “Tradition or not, just tell them one or the other! Every Shabbat, one group argues ‘stand,’ the other argues ‘sit!’”

The old man smiled. “That was the tradition.”

One might conclude that argument is part of the Jewish heritage. Abraham, Moses, and Job all argued with God. Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers, and the wilderness Israelites all engaged in notable disputes.

The Jerusalem and Babylonian Talmuds are independent encyclopedic collections of rabbinic arguments, debates, and competing opinions about law and tradition generated across many centuries.

Jewish learning commonly takes place in chevruta, pairs of students who challenge each other’s views. Jews even argue about the appropriate toppings for Chanukah latkes: applesauce or sour cream?

Argument is part of human heritage. In Genesis, we learn that God created humans, male and female, in the Divine image. “Unlike coins, however, whose images all appear identical, not one human is similar to another,” explain the sages of the Talmud.

Every human is a one-of-a-kind amalgam of unique characteristics, abilities, experiences, emotions, thoughts, and speech — almost as if designed to generate disagreement.

The story of the Tower of Babel appears shortly thereafter in Genesis. It begins, “Now the entire earth was of one language and uniform words.”

Many biblical scholars conclude that Babel was a deliberate attempt to create a homogenous society where no diversity or individuality was allowed.

Everyone adopted the same values and mission, lived in the same area, and spoke the same language. There was a single way to think, to express oneself, and to act.

Rejecting the coerced uniformity, God’s response was to confuse the people’s speech and scatter them over the face of the earth. It seems humans are destined to clash by heavenly design. But to what purpose?

To discover truth. “Only God can see the totality of truth,” Rabbi Jonathan Sacks explains. Humans “can see only fragments of truth at any one moment among the limitless perspectives.”

But machloket, disagreement or constructive conflict, can bring us closer to the truth.

To seek truth. We learn in Ethics of the Fathers, “Every machloket that is for the sake of Heaven (in pursuit of truth) is destined to endure, and one that is not for the sake of Heaven (provoked by ulterior motives, ego) is destined not to endure. What is an example of a disagreement that is for the sake of Heaven? The disagreement between Hillel and Shammai. What is an example of a disagreement that is not for the sake of Heaven? The disagreement of Korach and his followers.”

A machloket directed toward discovering truth, not toward gaining power, winning, or self-aggrandizement, is heavenly.

To respect the person. Every human, in the image of God, is deserving of respect. Talk to each other, not at each other. Actively listen — hear, pay attention, understand, and reflect — and listen more than you speak. Separate the viewpoint from the individual, and debate the viewpoint, not the person. Look for common ground in another’s views. Reiterate your opponent’s arguments before sharing your own. And take note of how the Talmud characterizes the end of the machloket: “Even a father and his son, or a rabbi and his student, who are engaged in Torah study together become enemies. But they do not leave there until they love each other.”

To value diversity of opinion. Too often, we gravitate toward similar outlooks, but both hearing and challenging contrary views are essential. Chasidic wisdom teaches: “If a tree grows in isolation, it is likely to become crooked and bent. However, trees that grow together in a forest grow straight and tall — they ‘keep each other straight,’ so to speak. Similarly, for truth to be upheld, it is fundamental that human beings do not live in intellectual isolation, only hearing views that reinforce their own. Vigorous and respectful debate is crucial.”

Regard disagreement not just as conflict but as a collaborative activity in pursuit of honesty and truth, not necessarily consensus.

Listen to others’ views and imagine how they can enlarge your own understanding of the truth. Be open to the outcome.

For three years, the House of Shammai and the House of Hillel disagreed. Each of these academies said, “The halacha (law) is in accordance with our opinion.”

Ultimately, a Divine Voice emerged and proclaimed: “Elu v’elu — Both these and those are the words of the living God.” Look for the divinity that may be found within the views of people who disagree with you.

Seventeen and a student in Israel, Deborah set out to meet with her parent’s rabbi, tasked with convincing her to return to America.

She was prepared to explain why she would be staying in Israel, even against her parents’ wishes.

Along the way, she texted a friend, “I’m off to an argument, and I hope I win!” He responded, “Not likely. If you have a discussion, you can get somewhere, if you have an argument, you never win.” Only a machloket for the sake of Heaven can endure.

Literature to share

Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up by Abigail Shrier. This New York Times bestseller reports on the decline in the mental health of America’s youths and how the mental health industry has both contributed to this trajectory and itself grown exponentially along the way. The therapeutic approach to children now influences how we treat, discipline, teach, and talk to our kids and grandkids, with little discussion about its short- and long-term effects. Well-written, fast-paced, and engaging throughout, Bad Therapy will increase your awareness of what’s going on behind the scenes — and in some cases right before your eyes.

Tucky Jo and Little Heart by Patricia Polacco. This moving tale of kindness and friendship is based on the true story of Johnnie Wallen who, as a Kentucky lad of 15, joined the army the day after Pearl Harbor. Central to his wartime experience is what happened in the jungles of the Philippines. It will bring tears to your eyes. Another unforgettable tale from the renowned author, this illustrated book is appropriate for upper elementary ages through adults.

To read the complete October 2024 Dayton Jewish Observer, click here.