Sacred Speech Series

Jewish Family Education with Candace R. Kwiatek, The Dayton Jewish Observer

A true story from a Jewish mother who wishes to remain anonymous. At day’s end, she collected her daughter from her toddler classroom and headed, as usual, to the infant room. There, the two briefly chatted with the youngster’s beloved former teacher, an Indian woman whose son was also the toddler’s classmate.

Her Middle Eastern co-teacher joined in and soon commented on the Jewish mom’s unusual necklace. “It’s the map of Israel, where I was born,” she explained, to which the Indian mom enthusiastically added, “I’ve learned so much about Israel from her!”

With a stiff smile, the other teacher excused herself and hurried down the hall.

The next morning, the Indian teacher was informed that her co-teacher had complained, saying she was “talking too much with the mother of a child from a different classroom. It needs to stop,” the school director declared.

And yet, parents and children alike regularly visit former teachers and classrooms in the school’s celebrated multicultural environment.

So, what do you think really happened? Should the toddler’s mom speak up? If so, how? Or should she remain silent?

Jews come from a tradition “of not being silent when injustice is being perpetrated against anyone, and certainly not when it is directed against our people,” writes Rabbi Efrem Goldberg.

After all, the potential for extreme and far-reaching consequences of such silence was made abundantly clear by the Holocaust.

But the origin of Judaism’s tradition of speaking out can actually be traced back to the Bible. Abraham challenged God’s decision to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah and all their people, even the righteous.

The prophet Nathan confronted King David about his adultery with Bathsheba and his arranged combat death of her husband.

Queen Esther approached the Persian king Ahashverus uninvited and with trepidation to speak out against the royal advisor Haman and his genocidal plot.

This tradition continued into the modern era. Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik promoted formal Torah education for school-age girls identical to that for boys, a 20th-century reversal of generations of non-existent Jewish learning opportunities for girls.

Emma Lazarus used her writings to speak out against the destitute conditions of New York’s immigrant Eastern European Jews.

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel was called a “prophetic voice” for his repeated condemnation of racism as a moral and religious evil.

Today’s Jews are equally vocal. To substantiate the Jewish value of speaking out against all manner of injustice and oppression, four texts regularly appear in Jewish articles, blogs, opinion pieces, and sermons.

Two are taken from the Torah portion Kedoshim. “Do not stand (idly) by while your fellow’s blood is shed,” proclaims the obligation to act when others face distress or danger, even if it’s not a matter of life and death.

Another verse offers specifics, commanding personal, polite admonishment of those engaged in wrongdoing to avoid becoming complicit: “You shall rebuke your neighbor and (thereby) you shall not bear a sin because of him.”

Mirroring these biblical commandments is the Talmudic legal principle of shtikah k’hoda’ah dumia — silence is akin to assent.”

In the context of injustice or oppression, the principle is used as an accusation of acceptance, agreement, or complicity with these behaviors, even admission of guilt by those who don’t speak out.

Another Talmudic teaching goes even further: “Whoever is capable of protesting against the household’s sins but does not is held responsible for its members’ sins. Whoever is in a position to protest against the town’s citizens’ sins but does not is held responsible for their sins. Whoever is in a position to protest against the sins of the whole world but does not is held responsible for the whole world’s sins.”

However, a closer examination of the previous texts in light of the following commentaries reveals that silence is also an appropriate response.

According to Rabbi Akiva, “Shtikah—refraining from speaking even when there is something to say, leads one to wisdom.”

“The greatness of shtikah,” Rabbi Daniel Reich goes on to explain, is that it “allows us to consider the whole situation and to weigh our reaction with the proper balance rather than reacting impulsively.”

Widely considered Judaism’s greatest teacher on using speech thoughtfully and responsibly, the Chofetz Chaim would concur.

Before speaking out, he taught, the potential upstander must have firsthand knowledge or indisputable verification of the wrongdoing, not hearsay.

An unembellished factual account of the offense must be confirmed as a violation of Jewish law, and the upstander cannot be engaged in the same wrongdoing.

Furthermore, the upstander must have only pure, constructive motives for speaking up.

Thoughtful, responsible speech depends on reflective shtikah to see the whole picture.

On the hem of the High Priest’s robe were pomegranates of blue, purple, and crimson yarns all around, with tinkling bells of gold between them, all around.

According to the Chofetz Chaim, those bells and pomegranates illustrate the most valuable lesson about speech, Rabbi Eliyahu Safran notes. “The bells teach us to use our sound, our speech, constructively,” while the pomegranates remind us to use silence, shtikah, reflectively.

“Knowing how to control one’s speech, when to ‘sound off’ like a pa’amon — bell, and when to ‘close up’ like a pomegranate,” is foundational to a well-lived life.

“Silence has its time and its place,” concludes Rabbi Dr. Laura Winer, “as do speaking up and speaking out.”

Literature to share

Israel and Civilization: The Fate of the Jewish Nation and the Destiny of the West by Josh Hammer. Just released, this highly-rated nonfiction work is described as “enlightening,” “thought provoking,” and “essential reading.” In 11 relatively short, accessible, thoroughly engaging chapters, Hammer addresses topics ranging from Judaism as the bedrock of the entire Western intellectual and ethical tradition to the growing imperative for a Jewish resurgence, Maccabee-style, and the true story behind anti-Zionism, amid other fascinating chapters.

Out and About: A Tale of Giving by Liza Wiemer. Where are his parents going on their mysterious outings with mysterious boxes, Daniel wonders. This picture book mystery highlights the Jewish tradition of tzedakah (righteous giving), introduces the idea of giving with respect, and demonstrates the power of anonymous good deeds. Heartwarming illustrations filled with symbols of Jewish life enhance the engaging narrative in this inspiring story.

To read the complete June 2025 Dayton Jewish Observer, click here.